As a writer/blogger, there is a lot of pressure to be speaking into the culture and producing output, but I often feel like I’m sacrificing a patient, reflective discipline for receiving input. Do I really have something to say about Rob Bell, especially so prematurely? Probably not. I’d rather read, listen, think more. I’d rather take things in slowly, ponder them, and then offer my two cents (if I have any).
That’s why for Lent this year, I’m going to give up blogging. …. During this season I’m going to be quicker to listen and slower to speak, meditating on the blessings of Christ in my life and drinking in his goodness in a deeper, more concentrated way. I want to slow down. I want to read more books and collect my thoughts. I want to think less of myself wherever possible, and think more about Christ’s sacrificial love–what it means for me, for my neighbor, and for the world.
I read this yesterday from a blog I follow, The Search. I’d been mulling over what to do for Lent. I had my no list: mostly shows. I had my yes list: walks, books, Bible, music. I had a qualifier: personal internet use at home only after a ½ hour of quiet/music time. I didn’t know anything about the Rob Bell thing until I read that blog, and then I watched his video for his book, etc. It once again brought to the surface some of the tensions I’ve been trying to patiently sit in, mostly unsuccessfully.
The Circle of Hope Ash Wednesday service had an activity to draw something that distanced you from God, then give it up for Lent, symbolically throwing the paper into the fire while everyone sang, because lent a time for setting fire to garbage that needs to be cleaned out. It hit a nerve, the same nerve hit by the blog passage I quoted. I didn’t have a pen, or a paper at first, but I knew what I would’ve drawn. An ear and a mouth. Getting sucked into all the talk.
I value dialogue and discussion, but sometimes all the talk just tires me out. Giving up all the tv shows was part of that, getting rid of some of the voices bouncing around in my head. Like in a book I was browsing that showed a picture of a curved line, asked if it was concave or convex, but the fact is it’s both, that very identity is interconnected, and you have to accept and engage that connectedness to really talk well about it.
I’m not going to stop reading, or blogging – I’m in the middle of Uncle Tom’s Cabin right now, and I realize it’s affecting me the same way reading Crime and Punishment did, leaving me impatient when I’m not reading it because that’s where my mind is, not anywhere else. But I am off facebook, so that I post less links and just think more for myself and care less about what others think about what I think, and spend more time asking God what he thinks. Or, at least trying to. I can’t count the number of times my finger’s hovered over the “f” keypad to type in facebook, and just that makes me realize how this is good for me. But I’ve also realized I don’t know how to contact lots of people outside of facebook, so I’ve had to be more intentional, which is good, but also difficult and a little depressing. But I’ve also done better things with my time this Thursday than I did last Thursday. And that’s real good.
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