march 26

“There’s only one thing that’s free in this life……my love for you.”

Yesterday at work I overheard a daughter tell her mom she should work at the ice cream store so that they can have free ice cream. That was the mom’s response.

It was sweet. It was a strangely serious moment, too. It made me think of Pink’s strong, F**kin’ Perfect, the music video especially.

On a somewhat related note. My co-worker Ebonee is getting her degree in African-American studies. That same day she was explaining to me what that entailed, and gave an example of studying a writer said that there is an unspoken idea that to be white is to be human, and that many black people try to act/look white. It’s funny, cuz I’ve known so many white people who like to be told that they’re really black or latino or asian. Being yourself is not a skill easily come by. I

Personally, I’ve been trying to figure out if I want to do Invisible Children’s 25 event. The project it supports seems well-researched, locally supported and locally led (a rehab center for child soldiers and a radio network to warn of attacks and request med help). But the promotional videos make me uncomfortable. They do such a good job embracing who they are – mostly white culture, activist, competitive, fun, artsy – and it works well, with 12000+ signed up. But the fun, artsy part of who they are (and yes, hipster glasses-wearing) throws me off a little.

One of my issues with it is feeling like a hypocrite, supporting people there, but not here. Of course, that’s a great excuse to do nothing, anywhere. I partly feel better and partly feel worse about it because I might start being an assistant teacher in one of the homeless shelters sooner than expected. Better, because I can say I AM helping here. Worse, because I know my motivations are partly to feel better about myself, to be Somebody Doing Something, and I don’t want that to be what it’s about – especially not as a white kid who’d be helping primarily African-American (little-er) kids. I don’t want to make myself feel empowered at the expense of making them feel dependent or somehow weaker or “in need” or “at risk.”

But the thing is, I love the idea of doing it! And the fun, artsy side of Invisible Children is something I have, too. I love the idea of teaching kids music and helping them express themselves and think deeper in the process. And I don’t want to wait to do it until I go to another country or something. So I’m…taking baby steps, trying to be more proactive. That includes making a playlist of songs I can perform for busking, and researching places to play. We’ll see I guess. In the meantime, I got my BuildaBridge “Artists on Call” shirt, and I’ll wear it Thursday night to City Hall for the students’ art exhibit.

And in the meantime meantime, I’ll take the bus, where I’m usually one of one or two white people. And sometimes I’ll be singing on my way to the bus, and I’ll make a new friend, and sometimes I’ll be quiet and shy and not. I’ll try to sing more, though. I have a lot to sing about.

For instance, the fact that I have a roof over my head, a shelter, a safe place. Homelessness…is a scary word. Wednesday my supervisor had to leave my internship early, so I couldn’t stay there, and my cell group didn’t start for another hour, so I had nowhere to go. And I had already ordered a small pizza to share with my cell. So I ate a few pieces on somebody’s porch (hopefully they don’t mind!) and then I just walked around in the light rain for an hour. It was weird, to pass by all these homes and doors and none of them are for you. It’s a little silly, probably, but that made me understand homelessness a little more. If you know someone you can call on to help you, a door you can knock on, you’re homeless but you’re not alone.

It’s strange, to think about St. Francis. He was part of the young, urban group of cool kids. Apparently he dressed really stylishly and threw lots of parties, though his family was only just on the line of being “wealthy” by the city standards. Then he decided to be a homeless, wandering preacher who took shelter in an old church. And suddenly he wasn’t alone, either, because others joined him.

It’s crazy, honestly.

I think the first time I heard about St. Francis was actually through an Invisible Children video that featured Denison Witmer’s song Little Flowers. So good on them. And I just found out Denison Witmer used to go to the circle church. So good on them. Kind of a balance to me worrying about being…too much myself, I guess. Anyways, here’s the song.




St. Francis' "little flowers" are stories from his lives, about miracles and daily sacrifices. His sacrifices are rather as miraculous as the miracles.

I'm going to see the latest Invisible Children video about Tony, one of the original guys.